Remembrance Day

Since I am unlikely to go anywhere to wear my poppy, my computer is wearing it instead.

Last night we watched The Festival of Remembrance from the Royal Albert Hall. When all the poppy petals float down from on high I remember that even when a small child I would think that one of those was for my Uncle Walter. He died in what is now Singapore, after VE day. My Mum was engaged to him, and when she heard that he had died she felt a great need to be with his mother. She arrived at Paddington Station, where Dad met her train. It was the first time they met. So without Walter dying when he did it is unlikely I would be here today.

Message from?

Sunset at Bwlchtocyn


Dad died on a Saturday night, so we couldn't access any of the professionals that are concerned until the Monday. John's first call on the Monday morning was to my parents Solicitor - he and John are joint Executors.

After that John called my parents accountant, Mr E. He has been more than just a professional over the last few years - Mum has been taking her letters into the office to be read to her since her sight got really bad. He has been a friend to my parents.

John told Mr E. that Dad had died on Saturday. There was something of a silence, and then Mr E. said... "You may not believe this, but my clerk R. came in to see me this morning and told me he'd dreamed Mr Mills (Dad) had died over the weekend".

Which makes sense to me - if Dad was going to try and contact us from the Great Beyond, it would be typical for him to make contact through his Accountants.

It went on after too. John didn't have anything fit to wear for a funeral, his only suit was a horrid one bought cheap years ago for work. I was convinced we'd hit lucky in our local Oxfam shop. And we did - perfect fitting suit (even the sleeves fitted - usually much too short), nice white shirt also, and a great tie.

And there was a very elegant navy hat that perfectly matched the navy suit I planned to wear...

Plus we got parking space right outside the shoe shop in The Crescent (practically unheard of!) when we went to buy new slippers for Mum. Conveniently close the the butcher too, Roberts, where we bought a lump of beef to roast (it was delicious and tender).

So I felt looked after, that someone was making sure that we found what we needed when we needed. I realise that may sound odd to some folks, but I'm sure others may recognise this happening in their own lives sometimes.

Dad's funeral was on a Thursday afternoon in St Bridget's Church, West Kirby. It was a perfect summer day, with fluffy white clouds in a blue sky, and the swallows flying overhead. There were red and white roses and pink lilies on his coffin. It was peaceful walking behind the coffin through the churchyard and into the Church.

I hadn't been sure I'd be able to manage to read my Tribute (especially after shaking badly throughout the first hymn), but John was standing by to take over if need be, and Sarah helped me up the 3 steps. So I managed. Sarah helped me back to my seat, then returned to the pulpit to give her own Tribute on behalf of herself and Helen.

Afterwards a few of us went to the Crematorium for the Committal. Then we met up with the rest of our party at The Basset Hound for buffet and drinks. We had a tab on the bar for the party, as we felt Dad was always generous when entertaining his friends and family, and he enjoyed a tipple himself. ;-)

The Funeral Directors sent a car to fetch Mum from the nursing home with a nurse to help her, and Sarah travelled with her to keep her company too. We didn't know if she'd be able to cope with the whole of the day, but she managed both the Crematorium and the reception after as well as the funeral. John and Sarah took her and her nurse back to the nursing home when Mum began to show signs of being tired.

When they got back to the pub we had another round of drinks, just the closest family (including John's Mum, Mary).

This is all old news now, but I wanted to make a record for myself.

Here's a couple of recent photos of my favourite city.



St Nicholas Church




Atlantic Tower, RoyalSunAlliance building (to let) and that big tall building that I haven't found the name of yet. It's very striking, even more so seen from Birkenhead. That top penthouse must have fantastic views!

Tributes to Dad

Tribute to Dad

Dad was not a demonstrative man, but throughout the time that I have known him as his daughter he has made clear by all his actions that his Family were the most important thing in his life. He loved my Mum for over 60 years, and they were just short of their Diamond Wedding Anniversary.



Dad and Mum on their honeymoon

I only ever saw Dad cry once, and that was when he visited me in Oxford Road Maternity Hospital just after I had Sarah. He took one look at her, and his eyes filled, he was just so happy to see his first grand daughter.

When our girls were small (and sometimes grubby!) Dad and Mum made sure we always had a working washing machine, and were generous helping out with extras like school trips and holidays. Dad was very proud of his grand daughters and their achievements, and took great pleasure watching them grow from tiny tots to the people they are today.

The definition of a Cockney is "born within the sound of Bow Bells". That made Dad a Cockney, though he was far from the popular conception of such. He loved London, and had many memories of it. He remembered as a child being driven in Hansom Cabs, and also 4 wheeled horse-drawn cabs or "Growlers" with his Grandfather Mason. His Grandfather would always take a horse-drawn cab when possible, as living was hard for horse-drawn cab drivers with the advent of the Omnibus and motor car.

One of my first memories is from 1952. Dad and Mum took me to London to see the Coronation Lights. They thought it would be something that I would remember for the rest of my life. I have no memory of the lights whatsoever. But what I do remember is sitting on Dad's shoulders, feeling safe and secure, and looking around at a sea of heads surrounding us. I had never seen so many people at once before.



Dad on his motorbike in Egypt in the War (WWII)

As a little girl I loved to hear stories of Dad's time in the Army during the war. He told me of taking tea with the Bedouins while stationed in Cairo, when a goat was milked directly into the cup before the tea was poured into it. He adopted a homeless kitten when he was stationed in Gloucestershire, called it Putten, and fed it milk with a fountain pen filler. When he had to return overseas he managed to persuade the Cook to adopt Putten. Even then he knew how best to look after his "family"!

Recently he enjoyed reminiscing about the Farewell Dinner for the Sergeant's Mess of the 712th Company of the Royal Army Service Corps - British Army of the Occupation of the Rhineland, held in The Vaux Hall Club , Brussels on the 12 Jan 1946. He kept the menu, signed by all present, and a photo. Taken at the end of the meal, all look very cheerful, all are smiling, but I think Dad's grin is the broadest of all of them. It must have been a very special meal.

Dad enjoyed stamp collecting, specialising for many years in Disaster Covers, with a particular interest in Air Mail. He told me about Zeppelins, showing me a crumpled piece of metal that came from a crashed Zeppelin. He also had some rather more light-hearted Disaster Covers - as a child I was particularly fond of the one that was "Damaged by snails".

For Dad, stamp collecting wasn't the solitary occupation that it is perceived as by many. He went to meetings, made friends with fellow enthusiasts, and corresponded with collectors all over the world. He liked to combine interests. He loved the mountains and estuaries around Mum's Home Town of Dolgellau. He was very fond of steam trains. Add those to stamps and you get the Talyllyn Railway. He wrote an article "The Talyllyn Railway and its Stamps" which was published in The Stamp Magazine in July 1961



Dad posing with Rameses II

Dad loved to travel, and he re-visited some of his war-time haunts in Egypt with Mum, as well as visiting Turkey long before it became apopular tourist destination. They cruised up the Fjiords of Norway to see the midnight sun, and crossed the Atlantic to visit friends and family in Canada.



Dad on a camel in Egypt in the 80s, think might be at Petra?

But I think he best loved to visit the the mountains and valleys around Dolgellau with Mum. They visited every year until recently, enjoying time with my Uncle Glyn's family and Mum's old friends. Dad was very proud of his certicate proving he had mined for gold underground at Gwynfynydd Gold Mine in 1994.

Last week one of Dad's friends and work collegues commented to me that Dad could look quite sombre some of the time, but then his face would light up and come alive when he smiled. Dad retained his sense of humour to the end. I last spoke to him the day before his last birthday. We reminded him it was his birthday the following day, and I teased "21 again?"

"23, actually" was his reply.

==================================>>>

Sarah's Tribute

To Helen and I, John was always Grandpa. When we were little, we often went to stay in West Kirby in with Ninny & Grandpa, and Grandpa was in charge of games and keeping us amused whenever possible. We played board games, cards, and Bagatelle whenever we couldn’t be outside, but mostly we enjoyed running around in the garden and setting ‘records’ to be recorded in the little notebook that Grandpa called the ‘record book’. One of our other favourite games was to offer him a piece of decorative plastic fruit and then run around laughing when he pretended to try and take a bite.

Grandpa was always kind and generous to Helen and I, helping us out with pocket money so that we could go on school trips and then again at university. He encouraged us to broaden our horizons. He would tell us about the travelling that he had done, both in the war and then since he had retired with Ninny. Grandpa loved Wales and its history, and he loved to get out to Dolgellau and into the mountains. When I was very small I remember being taken to Bala for the day for a picnic with them.

Helen and I have both done our own bits and pieces of travelling, partly inspired by Grandpa making us believe that it was possible. In fact, Helen has been as far as a round the world trip.

Helen and I were both aware of Grandpa’s love of good food from a very early age. Whenever we drew a birthday card for him, it would nearly always show a big chocolate cake. Ninny & Grandpa loved to eat out together, and even when we were very little they took us out and taught us which spoon to use for what. This helped us to have confidence in different situations as we’ve both grown up. Grandpa always enjoyed going out for a meal with us all, and seeing us all dressed up and smart for the occasion to have a good time.

Grandpa was always keen to hear about our academic achievements, and he was always supportive of the career choices that we made. He told us a bit about his professional life, working in London, and working with computers back in the early days. I think that he was proud that we both went to university and then managed to support ourselves since then. We are both very grateful to him for his help and encouragement to us to do our best with our studies and continue them.

Grandpa helped Helen and I to learn manners, politeness, and respect for other people. We will both miss him, and miss having an excuse to get giant chocolate cakes for him. We remember him as a kind and good person who always wanted to do the right thing for his family and friends.

Funeral Day

John W. Mills



23 July 1918 - 28 July 2007

My Dad

I was looking through some of my parents old photo albums the other day, when I came across some colour negatives. This was really quite amazing, as mostly they destroyed all negatives. So John took them down to Max Spielman in Richmond Street, and they put them onto CD for us. There are a number of pictures of interiors of the house they lived in before moving to the flat (the calender in the kitchen says June 1985), and several of the girls.

And two really super photos of Dad. This one is the nicest one of him that I've seen - you can see the twinkle in his eyes.



Proud Grandpa

Parents re-united hopefully

This evening John has driven over to fetch Dad from the Nursing Home he was in to take him to the Nursing Home where Mum is. We hope getting them back together will be better for them both. We did manage to ask (with some difficulty) if that's what they want, and they do. Time will tell. It's a six week trial at the mo to see if it works out for both them and the nursing home.

I am still washing clothes and sewing labels in. I am cheating and just using a laundry marker when there's some sort of tag I can write on. I find the stitching hard work, and it's making my eyes feel googley. It feels rather like getting clothes together for a school trip or Guide Camp. Very strange.

Popped out into the yard earlier and pruned the Mock Orange quite viciously. But it began to rain again while I was out there, so I may have to try and make sure I've been vicious enough! Wanted to be sure I got it done before we go on holiday - though still not sure when/if we'll get away.

No photos today as all the ones I had on the card got degraded and undownloadable. :-( Not sure why, but maybe magnetised sewing stuff when I was bringing it back from the flat. Stupidly I put it in my handbag with the camera - I am not thinking straight at all at present. I had to reformat the card but it seems to be working now. Touch wood!

I have been tagged, but will have to come back to that later. It's so long since I posted I've been getting cold feet about posting anything. So much has happened over the last few weeks that I feel I haven't even caught up with most of it myself.

Thanks for all comments, I really appreciate them. I wish I could reply to each comment, but at the moment "Life" is just happening too much.

Mainly some pictures

Agapanthus



We visited both Mum and Dad yesterday. Then went on to the flat, dropped off Mum's clothes that I brought home and washed last week, and packed a suitcase full of more stuff to wash. John thought to stick on the TV while we were there, so we managed to see Spinal Tap on the Big Concert.



The sock is still growing. It's far too big for Mum, but I think will make a very comfortable bed sock for her. Cosy and soft, and easy to put on, but enough gentle grip from the ribbing..



These needles are for a mystery project (for now). But I was struck by how close they are in size to a pencil... I wonder if it would be cheaper to buy 5 pencils and sharpen both ends. ;-) Would have to cap or cover the lead. I'm really looking forward to knitting on these!

We are both so tired we can barely think, but John cooked us roast beef (from the Woolton Butcher) with Yorkshire puddings, roasties, peas and butter beans. And gravy of course, plus horseradish sauce. It was really tasty. Hopefully liver and bacon with fried onions in gravy tomorrow.

Oh, and we had a fantastic breakfast. Mary (Mum in Law, just had a two week holiday on the Isle of Man) brought us some Manx smoked kippers so we had a kipper and tomato bake with fried leftover boiled potatoes. We planned to have the Kippers Florentine for breakfast tomorrow, but John forgot to get the spinach. Maybe Tuesday!

I'm still thinking about the visits on Saturday. And feeling about them.

Roadworks

They are digging up the road right beneath our bedroom window as I type this. The noise is unbelievable, hope it doesn't go on for long. Ah well, most of the rest of Liverpool is a building site, so why should things be different for me.



I've seen both Mum and Dad a couple of times since I last wrote here. Mum is behaving as bizarrely as ever, Sunday she hardly noticed we were there once we had made it clear we weren't taking her home. She went and talked to the lady in the bed opposite, she seemed to think they were related.

The week before she refused to say Hello to John, and after barely acknowledging me said "I hope you're feeling guilty". I replied "I've nothing to feel guilty about, Mum."

"What about how you treated your sister?" (I'm an only child) She keeps insisting her father is alive, and when John asked last week if she'd like to visit her husband she said "I don't have a husband".



So we left before visiting time finished, and went to see Dad. He had only returned to the nursing home on Saturday after a week in hospital being treated for pneumonia. At least Mum had a few visits with him while he was in. He was very tired, so we chatted for about half an hour and then he asked to lie down (they had to bring in a hoist to move him to the bed) and went to sleep. So we left then.



On to the flat, where I sorted some of Mum's clothes to bring home and wash. I did the first batch of washing yesterday, it's a bit damp still, but if John takes it back to the flat this evening after visiting Dad I guess he could hang it up to air there. Next load is in the machine now, so hopefully will be ready to take back on Thursday.



Mostly it's been too wet to get out into the garden much. But I can report that the flower on my agapanthus grown from seed has begun to open. I haven't got a picture of it open yet though (been too wet when I've had both the time and the energy recently), but here it is about a week ago.



Not done much knitting since I last posted. I cast off half the stitches on my sock swatch bag (this is the stage in the photo, the needle poked through the body of the bag is just to stop the edge curling), and have continued on the rest to make a flap. I'm not enormously pleased with it, so think I might rip out the flap. But I'm going to think about it for a while, so the ten remaining stitches are languishing on a stitch holder until I make my mind up!



It's quite fun trying to decide how to proceed. Currently I'm thinking of edging the flap with garter stitch, but I don't want to rush at it this time! I've found the perfect button for the bag, so I'm sure I'll get going on it again soon.

I finally ordered a swift which arrived last Wednesday, but it took me till yesterday to get organised enough to try it out. So I wound my first cake of yarn (artesano alpaca hummingbird, colour Lovebird) yesterday evening, and I think it looks very pretty. Will be casting on this evening I hope!



Thank you everyone who has left comments. I am finding life quite difficult at the moment, so mostly don't have time to reply, or to leave comments on other blogs. Mum is to be assessed soon for discharge. Obviously I am rather worried about it all. And the emotional upsets are taking their toll on my energy levels and capability to get stuff done. It is all just so utterly draining.

Friday around 4.30pm John had a phone call from a social worker (they always seem to ring around 5 on a Friday, rather like DWP and DLA stuff always arrives in Saturday's post), saying that a psychiatrist would see Mum on Monday, but we haven't managed to find out anything about that yet. The nurses we spoke to on Saturday didn't know anything about it. We are waiting to hear from her consultant's secretary, who John contacted yesterday. The staff on the ward aren't allowed to tell you anything over the phone (apart from a brief "bulletin") because of the Data Protection Act.

This is what I had for lunch today.

Comfort Food

Hospital visit

We're planning on visiting Mum this afternoon. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. Spare us a thought around 3pm!

John phoned the hospital around 4pm yesterday to say we wouldn't be visiting, but would be coming today. Was somewhat disconcerted to have the phone handed to Mum. She just said "don't bother".

Nurses say she is getting around better. I foresee trouble.

We may go on and visit Dad afterwards. Depends how we feel when the time comes.



A selection of some of the junk on our bed. Not much room for us!

Sunny Monday morning

John just rang. He has spoken to the Matron at the Nursing Home, and she will go to the hospital to assess Dad tomorrow morning. They may move him as early as Wednesday.

Liverpool skies

Saturday we went to visit Dad in hospital. Coming out of the Mersey Tunnel at the Dock Entrance on the way home we were stopped by a red traffic light, so I took the opportunity to shoot one of the Liver Birds.



The whole of central Liverpool is in a state of flux at the moment, with skylines of cranes everywhere. This was the best of a disappointing bunch of photos - the light was just too poor to shoot from a moving car.



We had a very difficult weekend, but I can't really talk about it much at present. And today hasn't been any better so far, just hoping it doesn't degenerate as much as yesterday did.

Tomorrow we have a Case Conference at the hospital about Dad's discharge. Please send us all your positive thoughts at 4pm!

Well, I'm here, sort of.

I just spent an hour or so watching the abalone sky with an archipelego of clouds floating in it.

Took some photos, as I thought Sisyphus might enjoy them, she needs cheering up. But I can't upload them to this computer (another random programme conflict I suspect, should spring-clean this desktop!), and am back on dial-up on the laptop, so would probaly take take too long. Aaarrgghh! But will get them up when I can, if any are free of camera shake.

And then caught the last 10 minutes of an old "Top Gear" on some random Sky channel, which gave me the best laugh I've had all week. Jeremy Clarkson was invited to open a swimming pool... He bought a Rolls Royce cheap (well, it did have a lot of body probs plus leaky radiator), did it up (sort of cobbled it up might be a better description), donned the only suit he owns - or so he said. Then instead of stopping for the red be-ribboned scissors brandished by the Mayor ("What do I need scissors for?") he drove straight through the red ribbon and straight into the swimming pool. Well it's funnier to watch than describe, I wonder if it's available on YouTube.

YESSS!



More importantly I want to wish my good friend Ray, "Mr Co-Cure", a very happy 60th Birthday. Happy Birthday Ray! And many more of them. Let's hope Co-Cure won't be needed by the time you reach your 70th! ;-)

This is only a quickie post - too much going on to blog about as it's all happening so fast. Dad is still in hospital, he had a MRSA infection, not sure exactly what the infection position is right now. But from what Doctor R told us just over a week ago it seems he has a worse bug in his lungs, so they are being very careful about infection control, and the Doc emphasised that we should be careful to use the hand wash etc. Pneumonia is a constant possibility. Plus they are using antiseptic skin cream to prevent the infection spreading to his skin.

Mum had laser eye surgery on Tuesday, which John took her to. Her sight has improved a bit, but she is sad that she still can't see well enough to read. I think it was probably too much to hope for (she has AMD) but I guess it's only natural to hope against hope that things will return to more normal, despite what anyone tells you.

The phone rings too often for me now, but this morning had a welcome call. Helen and David got home from Sweden late last night, and it was Helen on the phone. They stayed in the Ice Hotel, went on a short hike wearing snow-shoes, went out on snow-mobiles, but didn't see the Northern Lights as it was cloudy. But it's not been a great year for it this year apparently - something to do with sunspots and solar flares?

Gotta go, am missing Comic Relief does Fame Academy!

Black eye!

Yesterday evening John and I went over to Arrowe Park Hospital to visit Dad. I rested up most of the day, had a bath, and was ready for tea when John got in from work - he's on 9.30-5.30 this week, so was later home than usual. Every red light was against us - it took forever to get to the hospital. We only had to drive twice round the car park to find a space though, which is a definite improvement over daytime! I was virtuous, and wore my neoprene corset for the journey. Which I believe is why my back isn't too bad today following the travelling, but my legs are barely functioning.

We got told off for arriving late - Dad was worried we weren't coming when we didn't arrive on the dot of the beginning of visiting time (7pm). We managed to stay on a bit late to make up for it though.

Dad looks much better than he did when I last saw him, which was the day he was admitted. He's still on antibiotics I think, but didn't cough at all in the time we were there. Just as well, as he has MRSA throat infection so if he starts coughing and sneezing they will have to isolate him I think. We carefully did the alcohol rub hands thing on entering and leaving the ward, but can't say I noticed anyone else bothering.

He saw the physio again, from what we could gather - they will be trying to get him mobile again. The ward is very noisy - the TV was blaring out Coronation Street so all the visitors were talking loud to be heard over it. Dad is still speaking very quietly so I couldn't make out a lot of what he was saying. Plus there was one of those buzzer alarms going for ages that really scrambled my head.

I imagine as soon as the infection clears they will dump him in a "rehabilitation" ward, just hope it isn't the same place as last time, which was dire.

This morning I staggered on my lumpish legs to the bathroom, as I washed my hands I looked into the mirror over the basin and discovered I've developed a black eye overnight. Will have to try and find some eye shadow to match up the other eye so as not to scare the neighbours!

Here we go again.

Another newspaper article praising Reverse Therapy.

'I used reverse gear to beat ME'

Hundreds of thousands of people have their lives blighted by ME, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Could the condition be reversed by changing our behaviour? Health Editor Barry Nelson meets a North-East convert.

This kind of thing makes me really cross. The article goes on to describe how a nurse recovered from ME/CFS by using initially Mickel Therapy, and then going on to Reverse Therapy.

It describes her as being diagnosed early in 2004 after becoming sick with ME/CFS following a life-threatening illness. She had by then been in a wheelchair for something over a year from what I can make out. So given that she is now, in 2007, completely cured, and has also had time to qualify as a Reverse Therapist, I imagine she was ill for around 3 years. People are more likey to make complete recoveries within 5 years of the precipitating illness.

Overall, there is wide variation in the duration of illness, with some people recovering in less than two years, while others remain ill after several decades. Those who have been affected for several years seem less likely to recover; full recovery after symptoms persist more than five years is rare. (Report of the CFS/ME Working Group to the Chief Medical Officer, page 17 of the PDF)

So basically I feel she was improving anyway, which is why Reverse Therapy "worked" for her. I'm glad she's got her life back, but I am very wary of these almost evangelical sounding "therapies" where when you don't recover it's your fault, you didn't do it right, you don't really want to get well.

As soon as she started having therapy and following the Reverse Therapy path, Lyn started to feel better. She had ten therapy sessions in total, some at home in Durham, some in Newcastle and some in Edinburgh.

Now a fully qualified Reverse Therapy practitioner, Lyn, now 48, is keen to help other ME sufferers in the region. "You need to have a diagnosis of ME which excludes other conditions and unless you are committed it is not likely to work, "

she warns.

But for her, following Reverse Therapy was "a joy" rather than a chore. "It actually makes you more real. I'm still excited about it ," she says.

Sessions cost £80 each.

No wonder she's so excited about it.

I've written about charges for these so-called therapies before.

You can download information on training as a Reverse Therapist. Here's what it costs:

Course Fees

The current UK fee is £1650. Licensing Fee – including 1-year Clinical Supervision (Optional): £950. Reverse Therapy UK is a registered training provider and Career Development Loans in settlement of fees are available to applicants who meet the criteria.

Dr Eaton PhD, who invented Reverse Therapy in 2002, has his own blog - here's what he has to say about Helping a client get well. However, I think that maybe Dr Eaton should be the recipient of one of these!

I should add that not quite all of the article is as loopy as the therapy claims. It has a very good description of what I call "lead legs" (or "it feels like gravity suddenly doubled") or as another blogger calls them velo-gubbed legs!

"About the third day into my illness I felt an incredible heaviness in my legs,"

says Lyn. "It felt like your batteries had run down. I was getting pains in the back of my calves and it felt like I had just run a marathon."

I can relate to that! ;-)

We went over for a meal with my parents last Sunday. It was very windy by the entrance to the flats.



Someone was having fun out there though! Sorry this is a bit blurry, but it just wasn't possible for me to hold the camara steady in the wind.